im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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