Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
