you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
