Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
