Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
