I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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