Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
