Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
