I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
