Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
