i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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