omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
