Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
