Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
