the condom got lost in my hair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize