i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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