if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
