you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bring money and cleavage
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
