we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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