You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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