I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize