So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
