mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
