My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
