She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
