Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize