a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
