my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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