i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
