man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
