o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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