o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
