there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
