i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
