Welp...herpes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I believe in your delicious
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
