Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize