I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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