have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
