She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
