If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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