Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
