Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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