Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
