his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
third nipple confirmed
I still have a little drunk in my system
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
