I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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