dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
