so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize