We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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