I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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