Plan B is the new Plan A
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
