Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
