Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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