He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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