It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
