you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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