I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
