hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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