That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
