went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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