Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
