Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You have to summon your inner elephant
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
