Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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