New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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