OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He felt like a one man threesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
