For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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