she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
