New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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