Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
