is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
