The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
