my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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