@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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