what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
