We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
