I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
