12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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