i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
