all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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