remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
