I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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