I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
