There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
