So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize