some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
