you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
