This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
