nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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