Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
