Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
