I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
