tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
