I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I FOUND THE LEGS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
