Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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