it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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