Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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