The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
