My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The air was thick with penises
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
