I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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