See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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