the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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