This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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