Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
