cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
