Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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