And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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