i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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